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Sample From "With Kids Like This, Who Needs Vasectomies?"...

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Just a sample of the book that I'm just about finished...still not sure what to call it and have some serious proofing to do but any feedback would be appreciated...

The First Year
You always see the pictures of a little baby lying on their dad’s stomach…both of them in blissful slumber, exhausted from a long day of puking, crapping, crying and being hungry. Oh, and the kid was probably making a fuss too but it’s always all about him anyways isn’t it? Anyways, so there I was – sprawled on the couch – the TW sent out of the house to regain a little sanity and get away from the monster…and we both pass out. He’s lying there on my belly dreaming about whatever babies do and next thing I know…WHAM!!!! Baby foot to the junk!!! Now, instinctually when a man gets hit in the balls his first reaction is to curl in a ball and yell…but you can’t do that when you have a baby on you. It’s just not cool to whip the monkey across the room and cry so there I am, with a baby in my outstretched arms, and me crying. A long line of drool from his little toothless mouth to my chest as he continues his dream. In my mind I’m thinking “**** my life that hurt! How does someone that small harness such force? Did I father some sort of ninja?”.
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  1. Opus's Avatar
    It's funny because its true. It seems they also have the uncanny ability to hit you directly in the eyeball. Not around the face, where it wouldn't hurt a lick, but right smack in the eyeball itself.

    I think that maybe they aren't as defenseless as we've been led to believe. They are skilled sadistic opportunists.