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Thread: Another Joke for glenvb

  1. #1
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    School Another Joke for glenvb

    Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
    "Why?" asks the father.
    "The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3?' and I said '6'"
    "But that's right!"
    "Then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?'"
    "What's the fcuking difference?"
    "That's exactly what I said!"
    no phone and internet for 36 hrs due to windstorm. life was hell.

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    Re: Another Joke for glenvb

    I've been on the other end of that conversation more than once
    Out of my mind; back in five minutes.

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    Re: Another Joke for glenvb

    Maybe this thread name should be changed to Math Jokes for glenvb.
    no phone and internet for 36 hrs due to windstorm. life was hell.

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    Re: Another Joke for glenvb



    I love XKCD.
    Out of my mind; back in five minutes.

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    Re: Another Joke for glenvb

    Where do the statistitionisticism guys fit?
    no phone and internet for 36 hrs due to windstorm. life was hell.

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    Re: Another Joke for glenvb

    Believe it or not, everywhere on this scale.

    Just had this discussion with some colleagues. You probably don't want to hear it.
    Out of my mind; back in five minutes.

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    Re: Another Joke for glenvb

    Quote Originally Posted by glenvb View Post
    Believe it or not, everywhere on this scale.

    Just had this discussion with some colleagues. You probably don't want to hear it.
    Thank you.
    no phone and internet for 36 hrs due to windstorm. life was hell.

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    Re: Another Joke for glenvb

    no phone and internet for 36 hrs due to windstorm. life was hell.

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    Re: Another Joke for glenvb

    I'm not seeing the humour in this one, other than the phrase, "weapons of math destruction", which I quite like.
    GO ESKS GO!

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    Re: Another Joke for glenvb

    Much like Donald blaming everything on Hillary, I'm blaming everything on glenvb.
    no phone and internet for 36 hrs due to windstorm. life was hell.

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    Re: Another Joke for glenvb

    It's all my fault, I admit.
    Out of my mind; back in five minutes.

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    Re: Another Joke for glenvb

    I have all three hanging up at my college or in the file of cartoons I show my class!
    Out of my mind; back in five minutes.

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    Re: Another Joke for glenvb

    Quote Originally Posted by glenvb View Post
    I have all three hanging up at my college or in the file of cartoons I show my class!
    hmm
    how about this one?

    https://gunsmokeandknitting.files.wo...rate-cat5.jpeg

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    Re: Another Joke for glenvb

    Quote Originally Posted by Moon1 View Post
    Now, that's a new one. Added
    Out of my mind; back in five minutes.

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    Re: Another Joke for glenvb

    The math teacher saw that Johnnie wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said....
    Johnnie, What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?
    Johnnie quickly replied....
    NBC, Fox, ESPN, and cartoon network
    no phone and internet for 36 hrs due to windstorm. life was hell.

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    Re: Another Joke for glenvb

    A mathematician, statistician and accountant were finalist for a position as VP in a large corporation. The hiring committee asked them all the same last question:
    The mathematician was first."How much is 500 plus 500 ?" , they asked"1000" he replied without hesitation. "Thank you", they dismissed him.

    Next the statistician. "How much is 500 plus 500?""On the average, 1000 with 95 % confidence" replied the statistician "Thank you", they dismissed him.

    Next the accountant. "How much is 500 plus 500?" "What would you like it to be?" responded the accountant. They hired the accountant.
    Last edited by pizmo; 10-09-2016 at 05:23 PM.
    no phone and internet for 36 hrs due to windstorm. life was hell.

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    Re: Another Joke for glenvb

    So THAT's why Wall Street never takes my calls.
    Out of my mind; back in five minutes.

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    Re: Another Joke for glenvb

    After having failed his exam in "Logic and Organization", a student goes and confronts his lecturer about it.

    Student : "Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject?"

    Professor : "Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!"

    Student : "Great, well then I would like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as is and go. If you however do not know the answer, I want you give me an "A" for the exam. "

    Professor : "Okay, it's a deal. So what is the question?"
    Student : "What is legal, but not logical, logical, but not legal, and neither logical, nor legal?"

    Even after some long and hard consideration, the professor cannot give the student an answer, and therefore changes his exam mark into an "A", as agreed.

    Afterwards, the professor calls on his best student and asks him the same question.

    He immediately answers: "Sir, you are 63 years old and married to a 35 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 25 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal. The fact that you have given your wife's lover an "A", although he really should have failed, is neither legal, nor logical."
    no phone and internet for 36 hrs due to windstorm. life was hell.

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    Re: Another Joke for glenvb

    Ouch. My consolation is that I am not yet 63 years old.
    Out of my mind; back in five minutes.

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    Re: Another Joke for glenvb

    Clever

    An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are trying to set up a fenced-in area for some sheep, but they have a limited amount of building material. The engineer gets up first and makes a square fence with the material, reasoning that it's a pretty good working solution. "No no," says the physicist, "there's a better way." He takes the fence and makes a circular pen, showing how it encompasses the maximum possible space with the given material.

    Then the mathematician speaks up: "No, no, there's an even better way." To the others' amusement he proceeds to construct a little tiny fence around himself, then declares:

    "I DEFINE myself to be on the outside."
    no phone and internet for 36 hrs due to windstorm. life was hell.

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    Re: Another Joke for glenvb

    I have always defined myself to be on the outside.

    Oddly enough, so have others.
    Out of my mind; back in five minutes.

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    Re: Another Joke for glenvb

    The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
    no phone and internet for 36 hrs due to windstorm. life was hell.

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    Re: Another Joke for glenvb

    TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
    JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
    no phone and internet for 36 hrs due to windstorm. life was hell.

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    Re: Another Joke for glenvb

    Sorry; I'm in Rio, two blocks from the Copacabana. I'm far too busy having fun to go on the web, and open this thread and post.
    Out of my mind; back in five minutes.

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    Re: Another Joke for glenvb

    Boy, your priorities are all F***** Up.
    no phone and internet for 36 hrs due to windstorm. life was hell.

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    Re: Another Joke for glenvb

    You may enjoy this series. Dara is a damn good comedian.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-bLQ5vnUgnM
    no phone and internet for 36 hrs due to windstorm. life was hell.

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    Re: Another Joke for glenvb

    Math Pickup Lines

    Since distance equals velocity times time, let's let velocity or time approach infinity, because I want to go all the way with you.

    My love for you is like a concave up function because it is always increasing.

    Let's convert our potential energy to kinetic energy.

    You and I would add up better than a Riemann sum.

    Your body has the nicest arc length I've ever seen.

    I wish I was your derivative because then I would be tangent to your curves.

    I hope you know set theory because I want to intersect you and union you.

    Would you like to see my log?

    ---

    A Math Romance

    They integrated from the very point of origin. Her curves were continuous, and even though he was odd, he was a real number. The day their lines first intersected, they became an ordered pair. From then on it was a continuous function. They were both in their prime, so in next to no time they were horizontal and parallel. She was awed by the magnitude of his perpendicular line, and he was amazed by her conical projections. "Bisect my angle!" she postulated each time she reached her local maximum. He taught her the chain rule as she implicitly defined the amplitude of his simple harmonic motion. They underwent multiple rotations of their axes, until at last they reached the vertex, the critical point, their finite limit. After that they slept like logs. Later she found him taking a right-handed limit, that was a problem, because it was an improper form. He meanwhile had realized that she was irrational, not to mention square. She approached her ex, so they diverged.
    no phone and internet for 36 hrs due to windstorm. life was hell.

  30. #30
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    Re: Another Joke for glenvb

    Oddly, these pickup lines never worked for me.
    Out of my mind; back in five minutes.

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