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Thread: Another Joke for glenvb

  1. #91
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    Re: Another Joke for glenvb

    One of the fellows in my non-elective grade twelve English literature course named Murray wasn't a big fan of studying English literature, probably since it involved beating a novel/play/whatever to death instead of just reading the piece for enjoyment's sake. When asked to illustrate "hyperbole" on a test, he defined a "hyperbola" with an appropriate illustration. The teacher, Mrs. W, never liked Murray because of his attitude toward English lit and gave him a ZERO on the whole test!!!!

    Last edited by Foxhound; 10-10-2018 at 03:48 PM.
    Radically Canadian!

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    Re: Another Joke for glenvb

    Quote Originally Posted by Foxhound View Post
    One of the fellows in my non-elective grade twelve English literature course named Murray wasn't a big fan of studying English literature, probably since it involved beating a novel/play/whatever to death instead of just reading the piece for enjoyment's sake. When asked to illustrate "hyperbole" on a test, he defined a "hyperbola" with an appropriate illustration. The teacher, Mrs. W, never liked Murray because of his attitude toward English lit and gave him a ZERO on the whole test!!!!

    If you're still in contact with these people, you might want to reach out.

    The two words are THE SAME. They both come from the same Greek word, hyperballein, which basically means "to stretch". In a classical sense, Murray was completely correct.
    Out of my mind; back in five minutes.

  3. #93
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    Re: Another Joke for glenvb

    A Irishman wants a job, but the boss won't hire him until he passes a little math test.

    Here is your first question, the boss said. "Without using numbers, represent the number 9."

    "Without numbers?" the man says, "Dats easy."

    And proceeds to draw three trees.

    "What's this?" the boss asks.

    "Tree and tree, plus tree makes 9" says the man.

    "Fair enough," says the boss. "Here's your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99."

    The man stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree... "Ere ye go."

    The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?"

    "Each of them trees is dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, plus dirty tree. Dat makes 99."

    The boss is getting worried that he's going to actually have to hire the guy, so he says, "All right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100."

    The man stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, "Ere ye go. One hundred."

    The boss looks at the attempt and says, "You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!"

    The man leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree and whispers, "A little dog came along and pooped by each tree...so now you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, which makes one hundred!"
    no phone and internet for 36 hrs due to windstorm. life was hell.

  4. #94
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    Re: Another Joke for glenvb

    1,2,3,4 and 5 are sitting in class, why did 3 get kicked out?

    He was being mean
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  5. #95
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    Re: Another Joke for glenvb

    In Rod we trust

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    Re: Another Joke for glenvb

    Ah, now I know what to do for Halloween.
    Out of my mind; back in five minutes.

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    Re: Another Joke for glenvb

    A group of Engineering professors were invited to fly in a plane.

    Right after they were comfortably seated, they were informed the plane was built by their students.

    All but one got off their seats and headed frantically to the exits in maniacal panic.

    The one lone professor that stayed put, calmly in his seat, was asked: “Why did you stay put?”

    “I have plenty of confidence in my students. Knowing them, I for a fact can assure you this piece of **** plane will never even start”
    no phone and internet for 36 hrs due to windstorm. life was hell.

  8. #98
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    Re: Another Joke for glenvb

    In Rod we trust

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    Re: Another Joke for glenvb

    Quote Originally Posted by tigerdar View Post
    Oo, I need one of those. Where'd you find this?
    Out of my mind; back in five minutes.

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    Re: Another Joke for glenvb

    Quote Originally Posted by glenvb View Post
    Oo, I need one of those. Where'd you find this?
    Just on someone's twitter thought it would snazzy on you though.
    In Rod we trust

  11. #101
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    Re: Another Joke for glenvb

    Why do mathematicians confuse Halloween with Christmas?

    Because OCT(31) = DEC(25)
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  12. #102
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    Re: Another Joke for glenvb

    There were three medieval kingdoms on the shores of a lake....

    There was an island in the middle of the lake, over which the kingdoms had been fighting for years. Finally, the three kings decided that they would send their knights out to do battle, and the winner would take the island. The night before the battle, the knights and their squires pitched camp and readied themselves for the fight. The first kingdom had 12 knights, and each knight had five squires, all of whom were busily polishing armor, brushing horses, and cooking food. The second kingdom had twenty knights, and each knight had 10 squires. Everyone at that camp was also busy preparing for battle. At the camp of the third kingdom, there was only one knight, with his squire. This squire took a large pot and hung it from a looped rope in a tall tree. He busied himself preparing the meal, while the knight polished his own armor. When the hour of the battle came, the three kingdoms sent their squires out to fight (this was too trivial a matter for the knights to join in). The battle raged, and when the dust had cleared, the only person left was the lone squire from the third kingdom, having defeated the squires from the other two kingdoms, thus proving that the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides.
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  13. #103
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    Re: Another Joke for glenvb

    Quote Originally Posted by pizmo View Post
    Why do mathematicians confuse Halloween with Christmas?

    Because OCT(31) = DEC(25)
    Cool, never thought of that before.

  14. #104
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    Re: Another Joke for glenvb

    Quote Originally Posted by bone View Post
    Cool, never thought of that before.
    I still haven't
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  15. #105
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    Re: Another Joke for glenvb

    Chuck Norris CAN find the end of a circle.
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  16. #106
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    Re: Another Joke for glenvb

    Did you hear about the mathematician's son who was scared of negative numbers?

    He stopped at nothing to avoid them.

    sorry
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  17. #107
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    Re: Another Joke for glenvb

    In Rod we trust

  18. #108
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    Re: Another Joke for glenvb

    Who invented the Round Table?

    Sir Cumference.

  19. #109
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    Re: Another Joke for glenvb

    Einstein, Pascal, and Newton are playing hide-and-go-seek.

    lt’s Einstein’s turn to count, so he covers his eyes and starts counting to ten. Pascal runs off and hides. Newton draws a one meter by one meter square on the ground in front of Einstein, then stands in the middle of it. Einstein reaches ten and uncovers his eyes. He sees Newton immediately and exclaims “Newton! I found you! You’re it!”

    Newton smiles and says “You didn’t find me, you found a Newton over a square meter. You found Pascal!”
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  20. #110
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    Re: Another Joke for glenvb

    "As has often been noted, physics is to math what sex is to masturbation"

    Student : "So you're saying both fields are good, but without an attempt to understand the universe, the search for deeper mathematical truth is empty?"

    Professor : "I'm saying you'll spend most of undergrad doing math."
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  21. #111
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    Re: Another Joke for glenvb

    What does a mathematical mermaid wear when she can't find her seashells?

    An algebra.
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  22. #112
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    Re: Another Joke for glenvb

    So a scientist, statistician and mathematician are driving through the highlands of Scotland on their way to view the Loch Ness plesiosaur. They pass a group of nineteen sheep which all appear to be black.

    "Ahhhhh!h" says the scientist. "On the basis of empirical observation we can conclude that all the sheep in Scotland are black."

    "Nonsense." says the statistician. "There are 989,235 sheep in Ireland. Now that we know that at least nineteen of them are black, we can work out what the exact probability is of all the sheep in Scotland being black. Let me get my calculator."

    "Don't bother." says the mathematician. "All we actually know is that one side of nineteen of all the sheep in Scotland is black."


    Radically Canadian!

  23. #113
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    Re: Another Joke for glenvb

    There's a fine line between a numerator and a denominator
    (only a fraction of you will get this)
    In Rod we trust

  24. #114
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    Re: Another Joke for glenvb

    Quote Originally Posted by tigerdar View Post
    There's a fine line between a numerator and a denominator
    (only a fraction of you will get this)
    The ones who won't get it are irrational.
    Out of my mind; back in five minutes.

  25. #115
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    Re: Another Joke for glenvb

    A biologist, a chemist, and a statistician are out hunting.

    The biologist shoots at a deer and misses 5 feet to the left. The chemist takes a shot and misses 5 feet to the right. The statistician yells, "We got 'em!".
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  26. #116
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    Re: Another Joke for glenvb

    What do you call a fish made of two Sodium atoms?

















    2Na
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  27. #117
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    Re: Another Joke for glenvb

    Someone told me they didn't like calculus

    I told them their opinion would change over time.
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  28. #118
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    Re: Another Joke for glenvb

    Using this one in my calculus class tomorrow morning!
    Out of my mind; back in five minutes.

  29. #119
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    Re: Another Joke for glenvb

    Four engineers get into a car. the car won't start.

    The mechanical engineer says :

    "its a broken starter"

    The electrical engineer :

    "dead battery"

    The chemical engineer:

    "impurities in the gasoline"

    The IT engineer:

    "Hey guys , i have an idea how about we all get out of the car and get back in".
    no phone and internet for 36 hrs due to windstorm. life was hell.

  30. #120
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    Re: Another Joke for glenvb

    Albert Einstein walked into a bar at 99 percent the speed of light.

    The bartender said, "Why the short face?"
    no phone and internet for 36 hrs due to windstorm. life was hell.

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