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Thread: Another Joke for glenvb

  1. #31
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  2. #32
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    Re: Another Joke for glenvb

    OMG !!!!

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    Re: Another Joke for glenvb

    I'm using that one on March 14.
    Out of my mind; back in five minutes.

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    Re: Another Joke for glenvb

    In Rod we trust

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    Re: Another Joke for glenvb

    OK, sorry tigerdar, I won't use that one. But I will send it to Rod Black. Maybe he'll squeeze it into his commentary somehow.
    Out of my mind; back in five minutes.

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    Re: Another Joke for glenvb

    Quote Originally Posted by glenvb View Post
    OK, sorry tigerdar, I won't use that one. But I will send it to Rod Black. Maybe he'll squeeze it into his commentary somehow.
    Who do you think sent it to me?
    In Rod we trust

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  8. #38
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    Re: Another Joke for glenvb

    I poured root beer in a square glass.

    Now I just have beer.

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    Re: Another Joke for glenvb

    Oh man, I'm using that one today. Should be enough for my companions to send me home in disgust.
    Out of my mind; back in five minutes.

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    Re: Another Joke for glenvb

    A biologist, a chemist, and a statistician are out hunting. The biologist shoots at a deer and misses 5ft to the left, the chemist takes a shot and misses 5ft to the right, and the statistician yells, We got him!
    WALTER IS MY HERO!!

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    Re: Another Joke for glenvb

    I've actually used that one in class.
    Out of my mind; back in five minutes.

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    Re: Another Joke for glenvb

    Did not know this thread existed. It is fabulous!

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    Re: Another Joke for glenvb

    He modestly says, Thank You!
    WALTER IS MY HERO!!

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    Re: Another Joke for glenvb

    SEE HOW MANY OF THESE YOU UNDERSTAND:

    1. A photon checks into a hotel and the porter asks him if he has any luggage. The photon replies: No, I'm travelling light.
    2. Is it solipsistic in here, or is it just me?
    3. What does a dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac spend most of his time doing? Staying up all night wondering if there really is a dog.
    4. A TCP packet walks into a bar, and says to the barman: Hello, I'd like a beer. The barman replies: Hello, you'd like a beer? Yes,replies the TCP packet, I'd like a beer.
    5. An electron is driving down a motorway, and a policeman pulls him over. The policeman says: Sir, do you realise you were travelling at 130km per hour? The electron goes: Oh great, now I'm lost.
    6. Did you hear about the redneck who moved from Appalachia to Texas and raised the IQ of both places?
    7. How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb? A fish on a bicycle.
    8. There are 10 types of people in this world. Those that know binary, and those that don't.
    9. When I heard that oxygen and magnesium hooked up I was like OMg.
    10. The barman says: We don't serve faster-than-light particles here. A tachyon enters a bar.
    11. A Buddhist monk approaches a hotdog stand and says: Make me one with everything.
    12. What do you call two crows on a branch? Attempted murder.
    13. An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are walking down the street together. A juggler is performing on the street but there are so many people that the four men can't see the juggler. So the juggler goes on top of a platform and asks: Can you see me now? The four men answer: Yes.Oui.Si.Ja.
    14. Never trust an atom. They make up everything.
    15. How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? None, it's a hardware problem.
    16. A student travelling on a train looks up and sees Einstein sitting next to him. Excited, he asks: Excuse me, professor. Does Boston stop at this train?
    17. Werner Heisenberg, Kurt Godel, and Noam Chomsky walk into a bar. Heisenberg turns to the other two and says: Clearly this is a joke, but how can we figure out if it's funny or not? Godel replies: We can't know that because we're inside the joke. Chomsky says: Of course it's funny. You're just telling it wrong.
    18. Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? He's 0K now.
    19. An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The bartender says: What'll it be, boys? The first mathematician: I'll have one half of a beer. The second mathematician: I'll have one quarter of a beer. The third mathematician: I'll have one eight of a beer. The fourth mathematician: I'll have one sixteenth of a beer The bartender interrupts: Know your limits, boys as he pours out a single beer.
    20. What does the B in Benoit B Mandelbrot stand for? Answer: Benoit B Mandelbrot.
    21. A classics professor goes to a tailor to get his trousers mended. The tailor asks: Euripides? The professor replies: Yes. Eumenides?
    WALTER IS MY HERO!!

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    Re: Another Joke for glenvb

    I admit, I don't get #13.
    Out of my mind; back in five minutes.

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    Re: Another Joke for glenvb

    Quote Originally Posted by glenvb View Post
    I admit, I don't get #13.
    yes we see yah
    WALTER IS MY HERO!!

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    Re: Another Joke for glenvb

    Quote Originally Posted by pizmo View Post
    yes we see yah
    So I get the jokes having to do with time dilation and the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle...but I miss a silly pun. D'oh!
    Out of my mind; back in five minutes.

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    Re: Another Joke for glenvb

    Kinda qualifies for this thread.

    My physics teacher told me I had potential.

    Then he threw me off the roof.
    WALTER IS MY HERO!!

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    Re: Another Joke for glenvb

    Apparently the following really happened, although to me it has the ring of an urban legend.

    A physics teacher gave the students in his class barometers, and told them to try to find the height of a building with it. The idea was to measure the air pressure difference at ground level and at the roof. One group of students went to the roof, dropped the barometer, and timed how long it took to smash onto the pavement below. Another group found the building's superintendent and said, "we'll give you this really nice barometer if you tell us how high the building is".
    Out of my mind; back in five minutes.

  20. #50
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    Re: Another Joke for glenvb

    A Roman walks into a bar

    He holds up two fingers and says "I'll take five beers."*
    WALTER IS MY HERO!!

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    Re: Another Joke for glenvb

    Oooo, history of math geekiness opportunity!

    We don't know for sure...but it's possible that the Roman numeral V for the number 5 comes from tally marks. Do the usual - draw four tally marks and then cross them through to represent 5. Make the cross start at the bottom left and go to top right. Then, if you've got a lot of these, in the interest of time, don't bother writing the second, third, and fourth tally mark. What remains looks like a V.
    Out of my mind; back in five minutes.

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    Re: Another Joke for glenvb

    Quote Originally Posted by glenvb View Post
    Oooo, history of math geekiness opportunity!

    We don't know for sure...but it's possible that the Roman numeral V for the number 5 comes from tally marks. Do the usual - draw four tally marks and then cross them through to represent 5. Make the cross start at the bottom left and go to top right. Then, if you've got a lot of these, in the interest of time, don't bother writing the second, third, and fourth tally mark. What remains looks like a V.
    Thanks. I think.
    WALTER IS MY HERO!!

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    Re: Another Joke for glenvb

    Quote Originally Posted by pizmo View Post
    Thanks. I think.
    I'm glad to know that you think. I was pretty sure before, but now I know.
    Out of my mind; back in five minutes.

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    Re: Another Joke for glenvb

    Quote Originally Posted by glenvb View Post
    I'm glad to know that you think. I was pretty sure before, but now I know.
    Ouch. I think.
    WALTER IS MY HERO!!

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    Re: Another Joke for glenvb

    An alternative to those of your persuasion.

    http://www.bbc.com/future/story/2018...ont-need-maths
    WALTER IS MY HERO!!

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    Re: Another Joke for glenvb

    A median and a mode walk into a bar.

    The bartender says, “I’m glad you dumped your buddy. He’s mean.”
    WALTER IS MY HERO!!

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    Re: Another Joke for glenvb

    I failed my math exam because I couldn’t remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6, and 500 as Roman numerals

    IM LIVID
    WALTER IS MY HERO!!

  28. #58
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    Re: Another Joke for glenvb

    You've got something for Roman numerals these days, piz. Planning a vacation to Italy?
    Out of my mind; back in five minutes.

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    Re: Another Joke for glenvb

    Quote Originally Posted by pizmo View Post
    I failed my math exam because I couldn’t remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6, and 500 as Roman numerals

    IM LIVID
    Wow...brilliant.
    Quote from Inquiring Mind:

    Of course stamphater is sacred... we all worship the ground he walks on.

    #PizStrong

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    Re: Another Joke for glenvb

    I drove a bus at a street where the houses were numbered 64K,128K,256K,512K and 1MB

    That was a trip down memory lane
    WALTER IS MY HERO!!

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