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Thread: Daily funnies - The Pizmo Thread :)

  1. #3961
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    Re: Daily funnies - The Pizmo Thread :)

    One dark night in Dublin, a fire started inside the local chemical plant . . .
    In a blink of an eye it exploded into massive flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around. When the fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical company president rushed to the fireman in charge and said, "All our secret formulas are in the vault in the centre of the plant. They must be saved. I will give 50,000 pounds to the fire department that brings them out intact."

    But the roaring flames held the fire-fighters off. Soon more fire departments had to be called in as the situation became desperate. As the firemen arrived, the president shouted out that the offer was now 100,000 pounds to the fire station who could bring out the company's secret files. But still the fire fighters could not get through.

    From the distance, a lone siren was heard as another fire truck came into sight. It was the nearby rural township volunteer fire brigade, composed mainly of old men over 65. To everyone's amazement, that little run-down fire engine roared right past all the newer sleek engines that were parked outside the plant. Without even slowing down it drove straight into the middle of the inferno.

    Outside, the other firemen watched as the old timers jumped off right in the middle of the fire and fought it back on all sides. It was a performance and effort never seen before. Within a short time, the old timers had extinguished the fire and had saved the secret formulas. The grateful chemical company president announced that for such a superhuman feat he was upping the reward to 200,000 pounds and walked over to personally thank each of the brave fire fighters.

    The local TV station caught the thank you on film and asked the chief, "What are you going to do with all that money?"

    "Well," said Paddy, the 70-year-old fire chief, "the first thing we're gonna do is fix the brakes on that bloody fire truck."

    MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR

  2. #3962

    Re: Daily funnies - The Pizmo Thread :)

    A little boy was sitting on the toilet when he yelled to his Mom.

    "Mom, can you get me some Viagra?"

    "Why on Earth do you need Viagra?"

    "Isn't that what you give Dad when his ****s not hard?"

    Dont forget Kids listen to everything.

    - - - Updated - - -

    There was a blonde who just got sick and tired of all the blonde jokes. One evening, she went home and memorized all the state capitals. Back in the office the next day, some guy started telling a dumb blonde joke.
    She interrupted him with a shrill announcement, "I've had it up to here with these blonde jokes. I want you to know that this blonde went home last night and did something probably none of you could do. I memorized all the state capitals."
    One of the guys said, "I don't believe you. What is the capital of Nevada?"
    "N," she answered.

    - - - Updated - - -

    One Monday morning a mailman is walking the neighborhood on his usual route. As he approaches one of the homes he noticed that both cars were in the driveway. His wonder was cut short by Bob, the homeowner, coming out with a load of empty beer and liquor bottles. "Wow Bob, looks like you guys had one hell of a party last night." the mailman comments.

    Bob in obvious pain replies, "Actually we had it Saturday night. This is the first I have felt like moving since 4:00 am Sunday morning. We had about fifteen couples from around the neighborhood over for Christmas Cheer and it got a bit wild. Hell, we got so drunk around midnight that we started playing WHO AM I."

    The mailman thinks a moment and says, "How do you play that?"

    Well all the guys go in the bedroom and we come out one at a time with a sheet covering us and only our "privates" showing through a hole in the sheet. Then the women try to guess who it is."

    The mailman laughs and says, "Damn, I'm sorry I missed that."

    Probably a good thing you did," Bob responds. "Your name came up four or five times."

  3. #3963
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    Re: Daily funnies - The Pizmo Thread :)

    An American, Irishman and Japanese man are sitting naked in a sauna. Suddenly, something started beeping rapidly. The American pressed his forearm and the beeping stopped. He explained: that was my pager. I have a microchip installed in under my skin. A few minutes later, a telephone rang. The Japanese lifted his palm to his ear and answered. When he finished, he explained that he has a microchip installed in the palm of my hand. The Irishman, feeling very low tech, came up with a brilliant idea as to not be outdone. He left the sauna to go the bathroom, and came back with a piece of toilet paper hanging from his arse. The two men raise their eyebrows at him, and he says: “Will you look at that! I’m getting a fax.”

    MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR

  4. #3964
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    Re: Daily funnies - The Pizmo Thread :)

    Why condoms come in packs of 3, 6 and 12!

    A man walks into the pharmacy with his 8-year old son.

    They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?"

    To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called Condoms son. Men use them to have safe sex."

    "Oh I see," replied the boy pensively. "Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school."

    He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in this package?"

    The dad replies, "Those are for high school boys, one For Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday."

    "Cool" says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks, "Then who are these for?"

    "Those are for college men," the dad answers, "two For Friday, two for Saturday, and two for Sunday."

    "WOW!" exclaimed the boy, "then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12 pack. With a sigh and a tear in his eye, the dad replies.

    "Those are for married men, son. One for January, one for February, one for March..."

    MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR

  5. #3965

    Re: Daily funnies - The Pizmo Thread :)

    A man gets stopped by a game warden with his basket full of fish.

    Warden: do you have a permit for all these fish?
    Man: no sir. These are all my pet fish.
    Warden: your pet fish? How's that?
    Man: well, every night I take all my pet fish for a walk to the lake, I let them swim for about half hour and then I whistle and they all come back and jump in my basket and we go home. We do this every night.
    Warden: Well that's just a crock of lies!!
    Man: here I'll show you... (Releases the fish in the lake)
    Warden: well this I got to see!!
    A little while later...
    Warden: well??
    Man: what?
    Warden: the fish!! Where's your pet fish??
    Man: what fish??

  6. #3966
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    Re: Daily funnies - The Pizmo Thread :)


    MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR

  7. #3967
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    Re: Daily funnies - The Pizmo Thread :)

    wife to husband : I have blisters on my hands from the broom

    husband replies : next time take the car , Silly

    It was a lovely service with a closed casket

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